Wizah - Drunken Float - "The chronicles of Mr. Knudsen" as told by Tom Potter
Part 1: "I hate"
It had been a long day on the Maramec River that pleasant summer day. Chad, Tom, and Mr. Knudsen had crushed a few drinks, caught some fish, and had some laughs. But one member of the crew had consumed several more beverages than the other two. You guessed it, Mr. Knudsen was about to strike again. Chad and Tom had just finished fishing a fairly productive spot on the river in which Mr. Knudsen had set up shop with a lawn chair in knee deep water throwing rocks at them. As they fished he loudly offered his professional opinion on how terrible a fly fisherman Chad was as Tom continued to pull trout after trout to his hand while Chad remained fishless in this particular spot. Mr. Knudsen was aptly positioned in the middle of the canoe now guarding the canned beverages while Chad and Tom continued to do all the work and he relaxed and indulged in more and more of the sweet nectar. They came around a bend in the river and saw a family in a raft just ahead. There was a small child on the raft and Mr. Knudsen seemingly snapped to attention. The defenseless child had no idea what was about to happen. Mr. Knudsen grabbed a metal fly rod tube from inside their canoe with both hands and stretched his arms high above his head. At this moment he began chanting in a boisterous, drunken voice, "I hate! I hate! I hate!". Shortly afterwards, Chad and Tom noticed the small child weeping profusely and grabbing onto his mother with all of his ability. The father stopped paddling to allow us to pass in an attempt to quiet his visibly disturbed son from agonizing screams. His gaze displayed hatred and anger and was directed at Mr. Knudsen, who continued his obnoxious chant. They passed in their canoe without any further incident.
Part 2: Mr. Knudsen's "little buddy"
A few hundred yards downstream, Chad and Tom pulled to the bank to fish another respectable looking run. Mr. Knudsen sloppily exited the canoe and layed down on the rocky bank. While they fished, Mr. Knudsen noticed several small frogs leaping frantically near him into the water. After a few minutes, he successfully captured what was to become his "little buddy." The unfortunate frog was unable to escape his drunken grasps and was the next victim on his war path. For the next hour, the doomed amphibian spent time in two very undesirable places. One of which being the tightly clenched fist of Mr. Knudsen and the other in Mr. Knudsen's mostly finished beer can, which was at times violently shaken. Ironically, it should be noted that Chad and Tom discovered earlier in the float trip Mr. Knudsen's intense fear of tadpoles, which, of course, is an immature frog. Chad and Tom had previously captured several of them and thrown them at Mr. Knudsen who screamed like a little girl. Mr. Knudsen continued his frenzied attack on the poor animal for a while longer until its certain demise. He threw his "little buddy" back into the river and opened a fresh can of beer in his memory.
Part 3: Save Yourself
After the death of his short lived new friend, Mr. Knudsen began to direct his attention to Chad who was paddling directly in front of him in the canoe. He made comments to the effect that Chad wasn't doing a good job paddling. So, in response, Chad too the canoe to the bank and told Mr. Knudsen that he was going to paddle for a while. No longer than 5 minutes after assuming the position up front, the canoe was approaching a tricky point in the river that required concentration, skill, and timeliness, none of which Mr. Knudsen possessed in this stage of the float trip. As we approached the log jam and swift current, Chad and Tom helplessly watched Mr. Knudsen throw down his paddle, yell "Fuck it!", and roll sideways out of the canoe without even trying to maneuver through the obstacle. Subsequently, the entire canoe flipped at the worst possible place and all of the gear went either floating down the river or sinking in the deep, swift current. As Chad and Tom tried to grab things and make sure everyone was ok, they saw Mr. Knudsen climbing to the bank and removing his shirt and sockes to hang up and dry. Several itmes were lost including Tom's fishing rod and other things became water damaged. Mr. Knudsen sat on the bank and watched as Chad searched the river bottom upside down while Tom held his feet in the current. Nothing could be recovered and eventually the float trip was resumed with Mr. Knudsen in his appropriate seat in the middle of the canoe. Chad and Tom decided at the that point neither would allow Mr. Knudsen to reside in their canoe again.
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